I dislike talking on the phone. Phones make me feel awkward and tongue-tied. I like to imagine that I’m intelligent, at least on some levels, but phones have this weird habit of zapping my brain to bumbling mush.

When I first learned about the online ordering possibilities for pizza, my world was made brighter. And cheesier. And all around more tasty. I discovered a Chinese restaurant with online ordering about a month ago, and I’m certain my life is now complete. Bad day? There could soon be crab rangoon on the way without using a phone!

I know the internet has changed my life in far more complicated ways, such as introducing me to my IRL husband and best friend, but I seriously love that I can order dinner online and have it delivered to my doorstep. *grin*

I got my hair trimmed last week. I’m not usually big on making small-talk with the stylist, and my trim was no exception. But, there’s the inevitable sales pitch near the end of the cut. ‘If you want, I could add some lowlights that would look great on you.’ and ‘We’ve got some nice shampoos on sale this week.’ I’m fine with brushing off add-on sales, but then the stylist decided to ask what kind of shampoo I use. I informed her that I often use generic shampoo, or whatever is cheap.

That answer didn’t go over very well with her.

She proceeded to ask me if I would buy a house that had a bad foundation and a leaky roof, as if to suggest that my shampoo brand has the same vital importance as the structural integrity of my home. I was so stunned I really didn’t answer her. I’m still rather baffled by the comparison. My shampoo is just not important.

My husband has this sweater. It’s red with a black and white stripe across his chest and down his shoulders and arms. When we were dating he wore it pretty regularly. It looked good on him. Eventually, because it got a fair amount of use, it started to give out. A hole appeared by the stripe on one shoulder. It kept getting bigger and bigger. To be frank, it went from a sweater that looked good on him to a sweater than made him look like a bum. He wore it anyway, like a security blanket he couldn’t part with.

I did laundry for him on occasion during the first couple years of our marriage. One day, after the sweater came out of the dryer, I formulated a plan. I rolled it up the way you would if you were packing a suitcase, and I hid it in one of his storage tubs. I didn’t want to throw it out, I know how sentimental he can be, but I had to stop him from embarrassing me in public. It took him a while to miss it, but the day came when he asked if I had seen his red sweater.

I lied.

Well, almost anyway. I tend to think of my birthday as the day to set goals and make resolutions, since it’s my own personal New Year. This year I’m considering doing a 52-week photography project. I don’t know if I want to do self-portraits or if I should just take some sort of photo every week. The self-portraits might be interesting. I think it’d force me to be creative in a different way than I’m used to. It’d be easier if I felt more attractive. I don’t feel ugly at all, I just don’t feel like showing myself off, you know what I mean? We’ll see. I may settle on something totally different.

I’ll be 31 (1F in hex!), so there’s no important milestone this year. That’s fine with me because I feel like relaxing. Ever since winter I feel like my life has been GO-GO-GO!! So much of that activity has been purposeless. It’s draining! The 6-day vacation I’m on from work isn’t quite long enough, but it’s better than nothing. It’s not that I enjoy being bored, but it feels like it’s been a loooong time since I’ve felt boredom.

Sometimes you need that feeling to remind you which direction you want move.

How do you know when you’re running away from a problem instead of solving it? When is a fresh start really the right answer?

My mother is considering selling her townhouse and moving out-of-state. She wants to get a better grip on her finances, which I admire, but she simultaneously wants to avoid a family situation that is upsetting her.

I understand the powerful draw of ‘starting over’ in a new place, meeting all new people, trying to build new routines for your day. But, I also know that you’re stuck with who you are at the fundamental levels. You might be farther away from certain toxic people, but you can’t simply move away from your memories and personality. You’re still you,  just in a different place.