I feel like there are things I missed as a kid. Things normal adult women know about, that I don’t understand, or can’t do. I’d love to blame my mother for not teaching me certain stuff, but honestly I think she tried and I just let it go in one ear and out the other, the way kids do. For example, she got me into a bra earlier than many of my classmates. I needed one, but I was less than excited about the whole ordeal.

I still remember when she taught me about shaving my legs. That was just about the weirdest thing ever to enter my little brain. The hair grows there all on its own, in a perfectly natural fashion, yet I’m supposed to spend time removing it?! I had never really contemplated leg hair before, and then all of the sudden I was noticing who had it and who didn’t. I still think it’s a weird ritual, but every culture has their quirks.

Anyway, as an adult women I’m rather embarrassed to say, I have no idea how to properly apply makeup. It wasn’t something I cared much about, other than putting on a little blush and mascara for cheerleading or school dances. Particularly foreign are the eye liner pencil and any lipstick that’s more than a shade darker than my natural lip hue. I’ve never actually seen myself with a ‘smokey eye’ or sultry red lips because I have no freakin’ idea how to do it. I’ve watched tutorials on You-Tube, but no dice. If I ever had my make up professionally done I don’t think I’d recognize myself.

I also never learned how to walk in heels. The highest heels I’ve ever worn were about 2 inches, and they were on a pair of almost-hiking-style boots, so not exactly a dainty heel. Even so, I tripped all the time in them. Honestly, anything higher than and inch and a half and I’m an ankle sprain just waiting to happen. There’s a reason I danced barefoot at the last few weddings I attended, and it’s not just because the shoes were uncomfortable. I was trying to reduce my chances of an urgent care visit!

There are other things too. I never really learned to cook. I never learned about plants or gardening. I can’t really sew beyond the make-shift button reattachment. It’s like I need to attend a home economics class and an etiquette seminar. Do they have those for 30-year-olds? Heh.