Tag: Contemplation

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Feeling Human Is Nice.

When was the last time you apologized for something, even something small, and truly meant it? I did that yesterday and it was a good, humbling experience. It quieted my brain for a bit, and made me very conscious of those around me and my effect on them. I didn’t do anything major, just got a bit stressed and didn’t retain my usual level of patience, but it felt really good to apologize, and then step back to acknowledge that I’m far from perfect. Sometimes, I can get stuck on autopilot and be a bit oblivious to my surroundings. Maybe it’s an introvert thing, I dunno.

Also, I’ve been craving quiet, deep conversation lately. Not debate about politics or religion, something much more philosophical. What value is there in the way our culture works? Where do I belong in the big picture, and how can I be happy there? Where do I hope to be in 10 years, and with all the unknowns, how can I feel confident that I’ll get there, or at least close? How do other people determine their goals; what influences them? How many of our daily decisions are conscious? Does intrinsic motivation really exist?

I’m always full of questions. Always.

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Saturday, December 20th, 2008

Basically good?

I seem to go through phases where my faith in humanity shifts. Are we basically good? Basically evil? I heard something disturbing on This American Life this afternoon. Groups of people are generally reduced to their weakest link unless they have an incredibly strong, diplomatic leader. So, a room full of energetic people can often be reduced to a bored, sarcastic, depressed, etc. group if there’s just one bad seed among them. It seems true. I’ve seen how one “complainer” can bring down the morale of an entire store or department.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m actually going through a period where I have a bit more faith in my fellow man. This economic crisis has been a kick in the pants for a lot of people. I’m seeing folks act more responsibly with their own lives, and people are considering those around them in a different way. There’s more camaraderie in the air, rather than the usual feel of competition. When things are going well, it’s every man for himself, try to get ahead while you can. When things get tough, well, it can be the opposite as long as there’s not a bad seed or complainer bringing everyone down. I dunno. I don’t have much of a point here, just being contemplative.

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Sunday, December 7th, 2008

Every Post…

When you blog under your own name, every post is an adventure. Will I write something that’ll haunt me someday? If a future employer finds this, will they be amused? Disappointed? What about those who read it right now, like my family, or the people I work with? Do they enjoy peeking into my mind, or is it just too much information?

When you speak to someone face to face there are certain filters that you use. If you know someone well, your filter is completely different than when you’re talking to a stranger. When I write, it’s like I’m leaking spit-polished bits of my internal monologue out there into the world. There is a filter, certainly, but it’s not the same as the kinds I use when I speak.

So, if you ever meet me, don’t be surprised when I’m nothing like you imagine I’d be.

I sometimes wonder if I should have a cut-off date for my archives. Does anyone need to read blog posts from several months ago? Years ago? Life is ever-evolving, and I’ve been known to change my mind about things. I mean, politicians are often haunted by statements they made, or papers they wrote, ten years ago. It could happen to me, too. It’s impossible to know what the lasting effects of my goofy-arse words may be.

For now, I’ll just hope that anyone who reads this thing has a sense of humor. *grin*

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Monday, October 13th, 2008

Middle Thinker

I was listening to MPR this weekend and caught parts of the show Speaking Of Faith. The topic was about faith and politics, and about how the left and right tend to vary in their fundamental thinking. Part of the conversation really hit home to me.

Krista Tippett talks with conservative columnist Rod Dreher:
Ms. Tippett: The distinction Rod Dreher makes between conservative and liberal approaches to religious truth was displayed by Barack Obama and John McCain in their back-to-back interviews by Rick Warren at his Saddleback Church in August. Where Obama gave a complex answer on what his Christianity means to him, McCain gave a concise answer, followed by a story from his time at a Vietnamese prison.

Mr. Dreher: Religious progressives find the search and find seeking to be so important. Religious conservatives put their emphasis on the finding. And as long as John McCain can say, bam, ‘This is what I believe; I’m going to stand firmly here’ — that’s what religious conservatives hear, and they’re satisfied with that.

Please do not misinterpret this post as “anti” or “pro” anyone. This is really about the bigger picture, not the two major party candidates. (Besides, I may vote for a 3rd party candidate.) It is important to have ideals and values, and I understand that when you’re running for office you often have to be concise or you aren’t properly heard.

Now that I’ve gotten the disclaimer in, I have to say that I feel very funny about “Bam!” tendencies in general. I really enjoy the process of deciding, the thinking and discussing, and the openness to additional information. Having someone just say “This is it” without backing up their thought… well, it’s just not enough for me. I experienced that “Bam!” mentality during one of my college classes, and it was a big turn off. Tradition, just for the sake of it, without explanation of it’s value, troubles me. Conversly, one of the reasons I love my husband so much is because we have great, deep conversations where we explore ideas and don’t feel we have to arrive at some absolute decision. I love the mental gymnastics involved in that kind of discussion; I really enjoy contemplation.

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